"You carry me to the table...I'm carried to the table... The table of the Lord..."

These lyrics have been playing on Jamie's overhead sound system the past couple of days and describe beautifully how I keep seeing it play out in my head. I recieved a call late Sunday morning from my dad telling me that my paternal grandmother had a stroke. For those who don't know the background story, my paternal grandfather died of a stroke about 4 years ago. He had the stroke while at a Masonic function. Joined Masonry for me... Not that there is a co-relation there, but in my mind, well, let's just say it was hard to deal. Anyway, I was told to be in prayer and to be ready because I may need to fly out for my grandmother to Ohio. I activated my prayer warriors and we prayed. And kept praying. Recieved a call last night telling me to pack my bags and get out there ASAP. I had this crazy awesome peace.

That kind that comes when you KNOW it will be okay. You KNOW that you are in His hands and you KNOW that only good can come from the situation, because you are in His will and He is in control. It is the deep overwhelming and underlying peace that consumes. The joy that goes beyond being happy. It is beautiful. It is ONLY in Christ.

So, I started praying again. So did everyone else. And throwing clothes all over my bedroom in a vain attempt to start packing. And researching for plane tickets while praying for money to purchase said tickets. God provided all of the above. But... before actually purchasing any tickets or my paperwork going through for approved LOA from work, my dad called yet again. She has made a complete 180 degree turn-around. From life support ready to sitting up, talking, and coherently communicating.

AND... as a blessing or cool reminder for me, God gave me friends who were fantastic through the entire 36 hour ordeal through prayer and listening ears and star-gazing and hugs and offers to help out. Friends in multiple time zones and states all praying over the same issue to the same God. How fantastic is that?!?! Seriously... I LOVE reminders of how crazy He is.

GOD gets all the glory. It is so cool to me - sitting with Jamie, I prayed just that He would do His will and that there would be a miracle. Either God reaches my family with His love through all of this or He heals her body - either way, He would be honored. And He did. All of the above.

So grateful for the One that we serve. Carried to the table. When we can't walk because there is no strength... we are carried there and get to join in on the feast. And this time around, I was served peace.

Team of 49 coming in today - tonight, really. High school age mostly, from what I've heard. Should be a nice distraction and hopefully for them a chance to be blessed and be a blessing... they are headed out to learn more about the LDS and about the people here. Gonna be interesting...

I was off yesterday because I usually get one or two Sundays off a month on a semi-regular basis, and off today as a treat - because I worked the 4th of July and we are supposed to get a paid holiday for it... so they gave me mine a week late. Without my asking! Woot! I love that. Paid to sit here at the cafe and clean and hang out. :) And Tuesday are still a regular day off - so that equals a REAL WEEKEND! :) Woot. Gotta love that.

AND... I got my new cell phone. It is fantastic. Still learning the thing, though. Black ENv2 by Verizon. Same number. All good.

Pray pray pray for my grandmother. Dad's side. She had a stroke yesterday. Still waiting on more details. Just pray for now. (This is the side where my grandfather died of a stroke... ask me for more details.)

There is comfort in Him, in His words, in the night - His night - His cross... His love. And when it seems like it is all chaotic, remembering that night makes it all seem like somehow it can make sense. Friends, family, work, money, ministry - when it all seems like it is out of control or just too much to make sense of - He still and always makes sense. He is love. And that is enough. More than enough.

Beautiful Scandalous Night
Robbie Seay Band

go on up to the mountain of mercy
to the crimson perpetual tide
kneel down on the shore
be thirsty no more
go under and be purified

follow Christ to the Holy mountain
sinner, sorry and wrecked by the fall
cleanse your heart and your soul
in the fountain that flows
for you and for me and for all

Chorus
at the wonderful tragic mysterious tree
on that beautiful scandalous night you and me
were atoned by His blood and forever washed white
on that beautiful scandalous night

on the hillside you will be delivered
at the foot of the cross, justified
and your spirit restored
by the river that pours
from our blessed Saviour's side

- Chorus -

Bridge
you carry the sin of mankind on your back
and the sky went black
go on up to the mountain of mercy
go the crimson perpetual tide
kneel down on the shore
be thirsty no more
go under and be purified

- Chorus (2x) -
on that beautiful scandalous night
beautiful scandalous
miraculous nigh

Pictures coming soon. Promise. It take some doing to put pictures up here because the computers are set up kinda funny... public computers, you know the drill.

For now... close your eyes (figuratively since I would really appreciate if your eyes were open to read).. and imagine with me for awhile. Imagine a swingset and a green lawn like sink-your-toes-in-carpet. Imagine a bright big blue sky, and imagine sunshine on your back - not too hot, not too cool, breeze just right. Imagine running in a field of wildflowers. Imagine being a little girl and twirling in your best twirly dress until you are so dizzy you just want to fall down and throw up but feel so pretty you can't throw up because then you wouldn't be pretty anymore... Imagine that after you have just cried and soaked not one but both pillows and used all the tissues and have finished the hiccups and just feel empty and refreshed and clean, even if still broken. Imagine the indescribable and amazing taste of fresh dark chocolate melting on your tongue, or the perfect cup of hot cocca with mint swirled in, or imagine having all the words that you ever wanted to write all the poetry that makes perfect sense and is pleasing to every part of your senses. Imagine the sheer exhaustion that comes from a day of manual labor and the accomplishment that you feel. Imagine seeing a perfect rose in bloom. Imagine a cool raindrop hitting your sweaty forehead during a freak summer rain. Imagine the brightest flashes of lightning and beautiful thunder pounding out the beat of your heart.

Now... take a step back from your imagination and daydreams. Thank Him.


Just say thank you. Imagine what it would all be if you woke up and didn't know Him. And didn't have those beautiful moments when you feel completely desirable and the world is delectable because HE is all around you, consuming you with His presence and HIS LOVE.

Say Thanks... Just say thanks... And breathe...

We just completed our biggest outreach of the year. Imagine over 10,000 people in one place who all are following a false doctrine and a false god. 10,000 people who are lost and who do not know love. Do not know hope. And do not have peace. Who work every single day to earn that which they cannot and to be saved from what they are fated to endure. 10,000 people who have never gone to sleep at night with the assurance that if the next day did not come, that they would wake up in their Father's Holy and Strong Arms. Now imagine 200 people who DO know peace, who DO know LOVE, and who DO know where they will spend their eternity. Now imagine the interaction between the two.

Mix in some heavy duty Frank Peretti style of warfare going on and intense activity between powers, principalities, and the Almighty One and His Warriors.

You have a pretty good picture of what we dealt with in the last two weeks. And He was faithful. And True. And His Truth withstood the test. As always. As forever.

Mighty, awesome, wonderful.
Is the Holy Cross.
Where the Lamb lay down His life.
To lift us from the fall.

Mighty, awesome, wonderful.
Is the Holy Cross.
Where the Lamb lay down His life.
To lift us from the fall.

Mighty is...
The power of...
Mighty is...
The power of...
The Cross.

Thank you, Father. You are ever faithful and ever strong and always True.

I saw things this past week that I really hope stay ingrained on my heart and mind's eye. Not because they were good or right but because they were a picture of reality. Men who did not know and who mocked and jeered and spit and screamed and laughed and pushed and shoved and who blasphemed in their children's ears. Men who bowed, who prayed, who believed, who served, who loved, who sang, who cried. The battles are not against the people but against the darkness surrounding them. Thank you, LORD, we already have the victory. It is Yours. In Your hands. Finished. Complete. Just let the story play out.

I am so grateful and excited to be on His side. Seriously. Think about it... I know what I used to be.

Take a moment to think about the last time you were thrown on your knees or back off of your feet overwhelmed by His love - for you or for someone else. I mean, literally, thrown back and overwhelmed by the intensity and commitment of unconditional love - one that seeks and requires nothing in return and loves for the mere sake of loving. The last time you were given a glimpse of who someone is in His eyes. Of their hurt, their pain, their secerts, their faults, their sin, their darkness... the parts that only the Holy Spirit can see. The last time you were given a glimpse of what He desires them to be. What He wants to create - the new creature, cleaned, healed, reborn into something incredible and pleasing and desirable and Holy. If you haven't been in this spot yet, for yourself especially, then please... go find your secert place with Him and ASK for it! But if you have... you understand what I saw and what I see. And where I am. And why they lay so heavy on my heart. Why I am for the first time understanding Paul - that he would give up his own for the sake of theirs.

His love is so much more beautiful when they understand and see it too... when it is shared. It sounds like a very hippy idea, but seriously... think about it. How can we be silent? The rocks and the trees, the mountains and streams - the very EARTH groans with Him and His glory and will cry out and shout if we do not.

Shout. Cry. Express it. That joy is not ours to hold to alone...

Hope is a beautiful thing. Hope is precious - because it gives us a reason to continue waking up each day and facing whatever it brings. A reason to love, a reason to hold on, and a reason to speak up and speak out.

Hope is what sets us apart here from those surrounding us. Because our hope is based on ASSURANCE - That by calling upon His name, we are saved. It is really that simple. Believe. And enter into that beautiful relationship that gives the only real hope. My neighbors, coworkers, and so many friends... they don't have the light in their eyes or the joy in their hearts and it is because they are working and working and working... and not. getting. anywhere.

Step. Step. Step. Step. Fall... Start over. From the bottom. Attain it all because you can't possibly accept anything as a gift. It must all be earned. It must all be because of your own merit and good works. Work harder! You aren't working hard enough... Are you there YET? No? Do it again. And again. And again. And tomorrow, you still won't be any closer because you will fall again and you still won't know when you sleep where you will end up...

Pray with us this week please, as we share Hope. And Truth. And LOVE. The only One who can save is might to do so. Pray, my friends.

Faith seems to be a lot about maintenance. - a good friend. I think that he may be correct. Faith is not something that comes naturally or easily or without effort. Mine is lacking in so many areas. I believe that God is big enough. I believe that He can and will work in these peoples' lives. But... sometimes, seeing the depths that some of them are at, seeing the pain that they carry, and seeing the day to day... You get discouraged. But He IS big enough. More than enough.

And I think that will be my next lesson. Maintenance. I am okay with that idea.

Warfare has been the topic of late. God has given ample opportunity to practice what He is teaching me and it has had some fairly interesting results, but we are still only in the very beginning. This is far from over.

I also learned something new. I really enjoy Simple Apple Apple Juice with granola. Preferably DD's homemade granola - just the right amount of sweet. Makes me smile.

Pray for the group - most of them are in California this week doing a week long missions outreach for mainly homeless communities and work projects for ministries geared toward the homeless.

More to come but my brain is slowly turning to a mush to match my granola, so it will have to wait.