Sometimes, I wish that I knew the tongues of the angels. Not for the purpose of speaking in tongues but in hopes that it could somehow be more expressive for the things that I do not know the words for. Those things that you know are there and you know are bothering you or just are heavy... the wet blanket over your heart with passion and pain and anything else that you may come across... Those things that last and bear down with more weight, not ever really straying from your mind, but still somehow inexplicable in a strange way. The ones that make waking up every morning a choice that somehow is no longer just subconscious but a calculated decision.

I sometimes want to scream but I don't because I couldn't be loud enough to be heard. I want to sing but I don't remember the melody. I want to cry but tears just give me a stuffy nose and swollen eyes. I want to laugh but I am not sure what I am laughing at. Been there?

I miss my heart-sister, my jin shei.

This too shall pass - and He remains HOLY, seated on His throne, full of splendor and might. I just wish I could figure out how to say what it is that is on my heart that is beyond the words that I have weaved throughout my daily vocabulary. He is my intercessor, making petition for me when my soul cries out but my mind does not know the language. And for that, I am thankful.

He knows.