Missing: Joy.
Reward: Eternal.

I gave it away. I promised more of my heart than was mine to give. I sinned against Him and I hurt myself and others and separated myself from my One and Only True Love. The love that causes my heart to beat, that breathes breath into my lungs, who paints a sunset and dawns with a sunrise. The One love who gave everything and won't relent until He has all of me. I didn't give everything that I have but giving any of your heart to one other than the ONE - is too much.
And it hurts. I ache. Physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, I am exhausted. And tonight, I broke. And I want to go Home. I want to go back to my One.
I am so tired that I am no longer hungry. So dry, that I no longer feel thirsty. And I want that back. I want to be full with joy.
I am covered in my own shit... I am a mess of filthy rags. And I want to come Home, Abba. I want to curl up in your arms and to be clean. I miss you, Yeshua. I miss your whisper, your touch, your song. I miss being known by you and knowing you.
You never left me. But I turned away. And I am so sorry, Yeshua.

Patrick and Grandmother, You want them HOME. You want them with you. And it is going to hurt. I am going to miss them. I want to hold on but they are not mine. Neither is he. He belongs to you. And he cannot replace you. He can't be my God. He can't be in your place. He is not strong enough.

Fix me, Abba. Please, forgive me. And please, rain on me.
"Healing Rain is falling down. Healing rain is falling down. I am not afraid. I am not afraid."

Give me the strength that I need to honor you. Teach me to love you, again. First.