Epic adventures. Tonight a new freshman girl at LU came up to Kate and I and asked us what we would give her for advice for college. Then we were later asked at Starbucks by a somewhat interesting character of a kid what we suggested he should do for improving himself and what we thought life was about.
The only answers we could give to any of the above questions were to seek God and follow after Him. From there our answers extended to relationship. Relationships with people and with Jesus. There is honestly no point beyond that for which we are here but to serve Him, know Him, love Him, and honor Him. By our relationship with Him and with other people...
I love random conversations like that... and soon, I get to LIVE in a coffee shoppe and have conversations like that. I was praying tonight and I told God that it hurts when I try to stay quiet and not say anything. You can't call yourself on of His and not be desperate to share it. I am not always going to have days where I want to speak up, but God, give me the strength and boldness and grace to do it anyway, inspite of what I want.
In my book, epic is a night like tonight.

Tomorrow I am supposed to be speaking in church about moving to Utah and the ministry there. The main thing that keeps coming to mind, however; is how much I want to thank the church for all they have given me. They have given me a home... something that I haven't really had before. I was taken in and loved so completely, that more often than not, it was pretty overwhelming. God has provided in ways so far beyond what I could ever fathom. Through random donuts or life group meetings or nights at Bridge or CTC classes, the outpouring of love has not stopped from the moment God let me get involved there. Not to mention the adoption of the Walter's family and the amazing way that they have shown me a crazy amount of love. If I ever have a doubt of how much Christ is pursuing me and how much He adores me as His little girl, all I have to think of would be the crazy love of that home.
Kate and her mom took me in and put up with a lot since December. Heh... Kate has put up with a lot since she met me... Not to mention all of my other friends who have been amazing...
I guess, God is sending me to Utah because there is no way that I can repay the people here for their kindness or compassion. Just like I can never hope to repay Christ for His sacrifice. But I CAN go in His name and join Him in His work. I can learn how to share that same love with other people. Hopefully, that will be thanks enough, because I honestly can't offer anything more than myself to say it with. I want to give back and the only way that I know how is to show someone else what I have learned. Freedom... it still makes me shake my head. What an incredible gift.
Reading 2nd Corinthians 6-8 tonight. And I fell in love with this: Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything. - 2nd Cor. 6:4-10.

How cool will it be to be able to claim all of those someday? Then I can call myself a missionary. Until then... I am still just learning.

Here are a couple of poems that I wrote the second year of ministry in Utah, the first year working with Chip and Jamie and the TriGrace team. I thought that they might be fitting for you to ponder.

The first one is titled: "Logic's Lost" and was written shortly after the Utah trip after a particularly difficult night of prayer and intercession and just frustration with the depraved state of the Mormon community.

i can see them
their logic's lost
and deception dies
a slow death
fire burns while
souls turn
drawing in one last breath
out to Christ they cried
saving grace
Lord, rescue our human race.

This second one I wrote as a goodbye poem after moving one time from the dorms to Maine over a summer. The poem still seems somewhat appropriate now...

packing up the dreams
moving out the memories
carrying off the cares
and slowly backing out with the bags
saying goodbye again
going on to the next step
leaving behind what is dear
opening up to what is next
knowing that there will be return
but bearing the pain of the moment
things are never the same
change comes
and we are left waiting.


-to find more poetry visit: http://warriordawn.blogspot.com - most of which were written in the the last five years since becoming a Christian. You can email me for background stories if you would like to discuss them. There may be random poetry showing up on both blogs occasionally.
Bud was asking today in church during what I have now dubbed as my "commissioning sermons" how we express our love to God. Since I have become a Christian, I have had to undergo a lot of healing and a lot of loss in order to be empty enough to be filled with Christ... I am still so far from being ready but He still says that it is time and that He will give strength when I am weak. (See Corinthians...) My expression of love often comes in the form of poetry. It is an act of worship.

Mormons are dumbfounded by true and honest worship. They have no concept of a God who loves them enough that He would desire our worship.

I have exactly two weeks left as a Texas resident. I am in negotiations with my store manager to coordinate the transfer of my position from the store here to the one in Ephraim. He is kind of hard to get ahold of but he swears that he is trying. I pray that he makes the call, like I asked...
I still need to pack and get an appraisial on the caddie. After that, all that's left is to officially sell the caddie and say the last of my goodbyes. That part sucks. My heart is incredibly heavy when I face the fact that the way that I have faced life for the last 5 years is about to drastically change due mostly in part to the fact that the people that I have cared so much about for the last 5 years will not be in the day to day parts of it. And it won't be the same.
I know there is a new begining. Trust me, I am more excited about it than anyone. This is THE MINISTRY that Jesus has given me to work alongside Him in, and I could not be more grateful. Unfortunately, sometimes I feel like the rich merchant who had too much to leave behind and is reluctant to go. I am so rich here in my friends and church. The spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and physical support system that God has provided... I feel incredibly weak when I think about leaving it all.
And I know that I won't be going to Mars or anything that far away and that everyone is only a phone call away, but to deny that things will change is just stupid. And I know that Christ works best in our weakness.
I just also know that I "want" to be like Mary and fall at His feet and follow Him wherever, but I "feel" like the ones who want to say goodbye first to their family or maybe take the family along... And this is one trip that I am being told to go on by myself. At least for now.
There is also an AMAZING support group there already established, and I am not going to lie and say that I am not excited about working with some of the most amazing Christians that I have ever met.
I am just finding it hard to let go of the ones here...
This blog is going to be an honest account of the ministry and what God is doing with the move and in Utah. Part of that honesty will be days like this...

Car for sale...? Well, the other day at work, one of the cart-pushers came up to me when I went to retrieve my book from my car for lunch. He inquired if the caddi was indeed mine, *yes.*, impressed silence. Then he said, "so... you selling it?"... "Well, actually..." So, I think that I may have a buyer for the caddi. He is willing to give me my asking price upfront taking the car as is, which is EXACTLY what I asked for. Kate keeps telling me to ask for a little more but that transmission is about to go bye bye and I don't feel right asking for more when I am already about 200$ over the Blue Book price. Eh... It's ok, though.
So... it was just cool though the way it is working out. This was one of those deals where it was God saying "use the common sense that I gave you and don't look too closely at this gift horse in the mouth."
This makes me one step closer! Oh, and pray about the Walmart job in Utah. Right now it is looking pretty amazing but it would be really really really nice if it stays that way. Ironically enough, they are ONLY hiring for people who would qualify for my position and only transfers - which is what I would be. Is our God cool or what?
Did I mention that I have my plane tickets?

Gotta pack. Gotta pack. I hate packing. I would rather spend time saying goodbyes... which I have finally started. A little.
By the way, with the incredibly cool invention of plane flights, Utah isn't nearly as far away as everyone seems to think it is. All of my customers freak out when I say, Utah, Texas, Maine. I am mildly amused. I am also a pro at finding cheap tickets.

Got my plane tickets. Fly out of Gregg County on Aug. 31 at 1025am and arrive in SLC at 335pm. Not sure yet if I am staying with Nealy for the week and then headed to Ephraim or if Junelle, Mitz, or Rodney can pick me up. The Solid Rock crew will all be on a retreat when I fly in so I won't see them until after the 1st of Sept. either way.

And oddly enough, I really want to cry. I already have. A little. Kind of mixed tears.

God, you can do this. I am just trying to be obedient. You can do this. Please hold me.

Plane Tickets and such....

I am currently planning on leaving at the end of August. Trying to buy plane tickets now - arranging rides to and from the airports is the first hurdle. Then I get to start packing. I have already started saying goodbyes to friends around town - one of whom moved to the Ukraine for missions. We have shared a lot in the last few months while both getting ready for long term missions work.
I am honestly still scared out of my mind. I hate the idea of not having my safe place or "family" of LU/Crossroads/Kate and her mom around me. But my place isn't here and I am incredibly excited to be where He is sending me. He is working there and I really really want to be a part of it. He is working here as well; I have seen that over the last several months and years. I want to see an enviroment like Crossroads or LU in Utah, in Ephraim. They have the church there which is thriving and expanding. And it is SOOOO exciting!
The more I study and research the more excited I keep getting. Our God is so big!

This blog is named "After all you can do" because the LDS believe that after you have done your part, Jesus will make up the rest so that you can have eternity in Celestial Kingdom with Heavenly Father. But really, the reality is that after all you can do, your efforts are still in vain and you are still covered in sin and shame. Only by Christ and grace alone, can we find eternity with Jesus - our Heavenly gain.