The air is so dry here. My skin is cracking and bleeding. I feel that way some of the time inside, too. Satan is having a field day telling me a bunch of things. The good part is that I learned this summer through trial and numerous error to recognize the difference between his voice and my Father's.

There are questions in my mind as to whether college ministry is the right place for me to be. I honestly don't think it will be a long term thing - even for much longer than a year or two. I am more and more aware that my gifts have little to do with the college age group and so much to do with the children.

My arms ache to hold a little child and tell them that Jesus loves them. That is where my passion is. And the LDS children are told so many things but the least of which is that Jesus loves them. And even if they do hear it, there are strings attached. "Jesus loves you IF..." My Jesus has no if's or conditions on His love.

Pray for us here. We have tension arising. I can feel it stirring. The current swirls and swoops but never fully comes to light. It almost did earlier today but not really. Just that underlying tension that causes you to crack and bleed and to have little cuts but never makes a big enough deal for you to actually take the time to put the salve on and rest or regroup.

Last night I slept with Cetaphil lotion and antibiotic Neosporin on my hands with socks over them to prevent it from rubbing off. This helped my hands to not be so sore today from the dry and sensitive skin. I feel like as a whole group and as individuals we need to stop and put the same kind of salve on ourselves before we can help anyone else with their sensitive areas of life.

Samhain is almost here. The air feels heavy and the hearts of those who are sensitive to the changes notice the difference. It is weird in a way. I notice a lot of things with spiritual eyes that it seems like the others are missing because they are looking with human eyes but I feel so far behind in some ways combating those things that I see and feel. At the same time, I am not an "ex" in the same way that the ones here are, so I don't fully understand them and vice versa. And the lifelong Christians (or not lifelong but those who were not involved in a cult prior to their Christian life) tend to see things just a bit differently from the rest of us. As an ex-cultist who is now a New Creation, life is different sometimes. And that can be hard to reconcile with the others around you. I am understanding better the pain of the Mormons who have left and become Christians to some extent. Their joy is finally complete but the brainwashing that they have endured takes time to be overcome and retrained into Biblical thinking. That being the case, it makes it hard to be willing conform to Christianity for them. At least, the Christianity that they see.

Pray that they will see Christ and not christianity. We unfortunately can be poor specimen at times of what our Christianity is about. But He is still there and still bigger and stronger and the healer of all wounds. Even the ones that just crack and bleed.