It is probably high time for an update so here I am. Things are pretty quiet right now. Chip and Jamie, Mitz and Junelle (two converts), are all gone on a missions conference to PA to raise support - prayer, financial, and hopefully, volunteers. They are also visiting Jamie's family up there. Pray for safe travel for them.

This past week was fun. We had a Harvest party at church for the little kiddos on Halloween. They came and played games and got far more candy than they could ever eat or need. So did our guys, for that matter. Gabe left with a HUGE bucket full of chocolate. I was a little bummed, because an old friend of Kate and I, BJ was there but I missed seeing him. I am hoping to reconnect with him soon, though. Kate, PRAY. :)

My major prayer request right now is for health. Randee, (one of my roommates) and I are both sick. Pretty sure I have a sinus infection and I am not sure what hers is but something along those lines as well. Neither of us have health insurance and no money for a doctor's visit, so... life sucks when your throat hurts, your eyes and nose run leaky, and the stuff coming out is funny colored. Sigh... Probably too much information, but seriously, please pray hardcore. Being sick is bad enough, but having to work even when you are sick because you don't have money, and can't get medicine is even worse. Green tea with honey and lemon, water, orange juice, tissues, antihistiamine (for the allergies that are accompanying this mess), decongestant, and a LOAD of cough drops are making it more tolerable. Pray for rest and pray for healing. Hopefully, without the aid of a doctor or antibiotics.

God has been super faithful. One of my good LDS friends came to church and lunch with us yesterday. That was awesome! It was soooo good to have her there. And doors are STILL opening EVERY SINGLE SHIFT at Walmart for me to share why I am here, what I am doing, and WHO I am doing it for. So cool. You have no idea. :) I love being able to share with people. I am praying for some deeper conversations, though. I have had a few, and while somewhat draining physically - the deep conversations I am talking about are ones in which God speaks directly to me telling me details and what I need to know about this person in order to better listen and reach them... and trust me, at times those visions of things are hard to handle or even heartbreaking - it is SOOO exciting to be able to listen to someone's heart. To see them as Christ sees them - the way they are now and the way He wants them to be... He shows me a picture of both and the images and stories overwhelm my mind and heart but that is how He has taught me compassion. To love these that are broken...

Your prayers mean the world to me. You have no idea. I keep having dreams about Crossroads people and the church. Every night for the last 4 or so, it seems. I miss you guys so much that it aches at times. I CANNOT WAIT to see you guys near Christmas time. Pray that the plane tickets work out with $....

One last prayer request and then I will let you go. One coworker of mine - her son is in the hospital with e-coli and it has infected his kidneys. This is pretty serious and he needs a lot of prayer. Please keep Jo and her son in your prayers that God will keep them in His arms. Her son has a lot of disabilities and requires constant care, even without the e-coli condition.

I LOVE YOU ALL! Stay strong and keep serving Him who loves, knows, and made you.

Just be.

I saw that on a sign this past weekend at the Boo-tique that I helped with. Liz and Jamie had a bunch of stuff that they entered into it to sell and then Gabe and I ran a hotdog/chilli/nachoes booth alongside. The sign was at another vendor's booth and was made of vinyl letters and glass. I wanted it but didn't have the extra 30$ to buy the thing. The simplicity of it caught me, though.

I have been reading Purpose for the Pain by Renee Yohe. The book is her diary about her life before and during her recovery from drug/alcohol addiction and severe mental, sexual, emotional, physical abuse and trauma. It is intense and it is hard to read and it makes me cry and it makes me laugh and it makes me identify with far more than I want to identify with. Renee eventually became a Christian sometime in 2006. The journals span from 03-06 and the story is chaotic, intense and crazy. And very very painful. The purpose, Renee says, is redemption. Redemption from ourselves, our sin, our pasts, our addictions, abuse, and circumstances. Redemption into freedom and salvation. Renee says over and over again that she just wants to be.

I also have been rereading Ruth. Boaz... man, I want to meet a guy like him. Wow. Hosea, Boaz, - those guys were redeemers in a very real sense. They rescued those women from the pits. Literally in Hosea's wife's case. And they stuck by them and loved them. They helped them to heal. This is what Christ has done and wants to do and is doing for His people. For me.

And all He asks of me is to just be. I don't have to have strength for more than that. I don't have to do anything more than be. Because when I try to do more... I screw up. He will do it by letting me be me and making "me" into what He wants. What He sees.

I look at some people and He gives me a glimpse of who they can become and another image almost simultaneously of who they ARE. His dreams for us are so big. We just have to be long enough to let Him make the dreams into reality. Pray for B. She is one that I have spoken and listened to and one that is on my heart while I write this. Her pain is intense.

Think, Think, Think, Think... - Pooh.

I end up with a lot of time to do just that. Other times, I wish I had more... And sometimes, I just wish that I could turn off my brain and not think about anything at all.

Trying to fight getting the stomach and sinus bugs going around. My allergies have been insane since I got here. My eyes are ALWAYS LEAKY. It is insane. And for the record, they are not ALL always tears of homesickness. Some of that is genuine itchy nasty allergy eyes. Sigh... Just can't get sick. No insurance - no medicine - no money. No options.

There have been a CRAZY number of questions at my work. It is so incredibly cool. I almost don't mind not getting many substituting phone calls because I get so many chances to talk to people at Walmart. Every day I get asked where I live, why I am here, why I moved here, where I came from, who I am, what am I about, etc... and they all go back to the same answer... I am here because I love Jesus and He sent me here to share His love. Obviously, not all of the people that I invite to the cafe while I am talking to them at work come in, but a LOT do! And it may not be because of my invitation, but I don't frankly care. The fact is that they come in and while they are here... well, the quote is, "Don't go to that "CHRISTIAN" house, they'll convert you there." --- You know, it is pretty cool to know that's true. ;) Except it isn't us doing it.

Things are finally. FINALLY. finally, starting to feel like I am stable and where I belong and that I can fit. And so that gets me to thinking. Still thinking...

God likes to shake us up, you know? Never expect the ordinary because it rarely happens. And never expect things to stay the same for long, because they rarely do. Life is meant to be crazy. That is my conclusion.

Here I am once again
Forgive my sin.

Hear my heart
As the tears start

Renew my fear
of what's Holy and dear.

Take my will
and make it yours.
Take my heart, now empty,
with your love, please fill.

Here I am once again
covered in dirt and sin

Cleanse my heart
help righteousness start.

Take away Satan's fears
as you wipe away my tears.

Take my will
and make it yours.
Take my heart, empty it now,
and with your love, please fill.

Here I am once again,
Holy Father, you've removed my sin.

Good morning! His mercies are new and His sun is shining in the cold state of UT. It is soooo cold! Kate told me that I became a Texan and I am afraid that she is correct, because my blood must have thinned out or something... I AM FREEZING all the time. BUT... because God is good and put sympathy on the furnace man's heart, he came and fixed both the college house and the girl's furnaces for free the other night. It was a welcome sight to see his van pull in with snow on it and know that I was going to wake up to a warm bedroom for once. :)

So, the parade is a contest for the best float. Haha... we obviously did not win even though the entire town has been talking about that AMAZING badger head and question mark that the "Badgers for Jesus" had. Irony. In TX there is still a large amount of prejudice between the races. In ME it is between the Mainah's and the Somolians. Here, between the Christians and the Mormons. Except that we welcome them with open arms and they kick us out of Institute classes. That's right... one of our girls, one of the sweetest by the way, got kicked out of Institute classes - compare to LU's Bible classes and you will have an idea, except they aren't allowed to ask ANY QUESTIONS. She was kicked out yesterday after being out of class for a week to work on float stuff because she "makes the learning enviroment and the teaching environment uncomfortable for the professor and class by asking questions." How's that for ironic? By the way, her prof was at the parade and freaked when he saw our float. Something about saying that "QUESTIONS ROK." bothered him greatly.

Heh... it's all good. Count it all joy when you face trials or even little things that point out that the world doesn't like you for Christ's sake. Right? We do. If this is the worst that we face, we are very blessed.

I spoke with Pastor Bud yesterday for a long while. That was pretty cool. I love hearing about how all of you are doing. I am incredibly bad at letters but if you ever want to call me or email, PLEASE do so. I will respond as soon as I can. Private conversations are few and far between but I try to make it a point to have them. I miss you guys like crazy. Still and seriously. Kate said the other day, "Your family is here (TX)." She is right. It will take time for me to grow with new family here but you guys are still hardcore close to my heart.

I have to tell you about the Delta church the other day. We went on Sunday and spoke, did music for worship, and just tried to encourage. Man, it was AMAZING. Like, wow. Ok, so we did not plan any of our testimonies or scriptures or coordinate anything. The only two planned portions of the service were the sermon and the music which were not coordinated together at all. But, since the Holy Spirit is amazing, He organized it so that we all had the same general idea on our hearts. When I spoke, as usual, I did not plan anything. I prayed over a couple of ideas of what to say but what came out was totally different. It was one of those moments when He puts the words in and I spew them out before I realize what they are and I am hearing them for the first time as well as everyone else and learn from them, too. I LOVE moments like that. When you have NO earthly idea what to say or do and then suddenly things that you didn't know that you knew come forth and you are saying exactly what He wants you to say. If only I were always that moldable. I'm not but it would be great if I were. The church seemed really excited that we were there. They cried.

My heart broke for the man behind me. I looked him in the eye and I saw things in there that no one should ever have to face. His pain was so deep. I don't know anythign about him or his story. I just know the pain that was in his eyes and surrounding his countance. Pray for him. God knows his story and his name.

One last story and then I should go because this is crazy long. Sunday afternoon, as Liz and I were baking, I looked out the kitchen window. It was a beautiful picture. Fall leaves falling down and snow on the mountains and a lazy Sunday afternoon street with a man all dressed up carrying his scriptures on his way home from church. It should have been one of those "wow" sights. But the understanding that he is an LDS man and is so decieved and lost and broken made it almost disgusting and definitely heart wrenching. Think about it.. what is more attractive than a man in love with Christ and praying and carrying his Bible? Absolutely nothing in my mind but knowing that this man does not love the same Jesus that I do... well, his attractiveness just fell about a 1,000 notches. It was incredibly sad. That's the reality that I live in, though.

Heh... I am still losing the battle of the dry and sensitive Flic skin vs. the Utah dry air. BUT... the reason that I am losing is that today I spent my day putting papermache on a rather large badger bicep and making coffee drinks and soon to be painting projects and other various helping-ness of the making of our float. Snow College is having a parade tomorrow for Homecoming and all of the clubs from the campus will be represented including the Solid Rock Christian Fellowship. Our float will be AMAZING. I will have to show you pictures after the finished product. We have a massive head and arms that we constructed of a badger that will be on it (school mascot) along with a giant question mark that will turn. Our signs will say: "Questions ROK", "Dare to dig for truth" and "No Fear". Our premise/theme is that "True badgers are not afraid to dig for truth and ask questions."

This community accepts whatever is spoonfed into their brains without even stopping to taste what it is they have just digested. And then most are ready to regurgitate it right back to you verbatim without ever determining the meaning or purpose. It is so incredibly frustrating but not surprising. I remember doing the same thing for 11 years with my ritual. You hear it. You memorize it. You say it. You say you believe it. You never think about it. You are dying inside.

Unless... you wise up and ask questions and then... WOW. God shines so bright when you search earnestly for truth. So incredibly bright. And then, I love love love to see that lightbulb moment when someone finally clicks and realizes "Whoa... dude... I want that." It all starts with questions.

So, pray for us tomorrow por favor! We will need it for sure. Sunday we will be headed to the Delta Church in Delta, UT to encourage the church and the people. Imagine the Corinthian church and you have a good picture of what we will be headed into. I got the weekend off from Walmart for all of this so it has been nice. Off today, tomorrow, and Sunday. AND... YAY. Praise God because I finally got another substituting phone call for next week. Actually, got two but I am only available for one. AND I got things worked out for my paychecks so that I can get paid for teaching other people's kids. Stoked about that.

I miss you guys. I love you. And most importantly, I thank you for your prayers, for your love, and for your friendship.... Stay strong, my friends. I can't wait to see you again...

We discussed Joy in our Bible study the other day. It has been on my mind since, for obvious reasons. We were discussing the joy that we knew when we became a Christian. That moment of release and freedom and just "wow, this huge crazy God loves me." Last night, one of the guys and I were given the chance to talk with one girl who has been coming here for quite awhile. It was awesome because we were able to express that joy to her. And it wasn't the whole world is happy with flowers and cinderella style birds and singing but rather the deep-seated not going away assurance that it will be alright inspite of the circumstances around you, peace that you can't understand or explain but is there and shows in your person. The joy that is not dependent on circumstances or personal past but on faith. Just the knowledge that it is all taken care of because He has it under control.
We had one girl who expressed desiring that joy. Wanting what we have.

I want to show it more. I want people to see it when they see me. To see that instead of me.

Tonight is a Barlow Girl's concert - got free tickets! Woot. And I should be getting an amazing book in the mail soon from To Write Love on Her Arms. I am slightly excited about that. Work is going well but pray for more subbing phone calls. I haven't had any in just over a week - not good for me. Trying to work out the paycheck for substituting. They like direct deposit but I am not a fan. I prefer to get my check myself. We shall see.

I had a ton of insightful things that I wanted to say, but I honestly don't remember them now and I have been interrupted at least 30 times so far in writing this so, I am going to just close now and write you another post later. Pictures from the concert to come later!